The second round of chemo is Taxotere, and though the first couple of days were much easier than the previous chemo, Day 3 is a tough one. I feel as if I have the flu. Achy joints, headache, general malaise. But at least I’m not nauseated. It’s just what I’ve been saying all along – I need to have no expectations. Take the days and hours and minutes as they come. So here I am in my recliner, typing on my computer about my aches and pains as the sun warms the room. Maybe this afternoon or tomorrow will bring some relief, but I have no way of knowing that, so I’m staying with the now.
I really felt quite well the past couple of days. The chemo infusion itself went just fine on Thursday, and I did well that night. One kind friend took me to the chemo and another spent that night with me. It was so nice to be able to eat and enjoy food that day. I couldn’t do that after my infusions with the last chemo because I was so nauseated. So with this one on Day 3, I trade nausea for aches and pains. The aches started yesterday afternoon. My knee hurt whenever I got up from sitting. It felt like a sports injury. Did I sprain it during my nap? I finally realized that the side effects were kicking in. That’s a major part of this cancer journey, not knowing how my body will respond to treatments and surgery. I find out as I go. I’m getting better at not dreading the next steps because I’m more comfortable with unpredictability. And life has always been unpredictable, but I tried to maintain my illusion that I could know what was coming. Cancer has completely shifted that. So now I live life at day, hour, minute at a time. Aching or enjoying as it comes. Sometimes both.
Today brought an achy morning. Who knows what the afternoon and evening bring? Whatever it is, I’ll be with it, trying not to resist but to listen to my body and be content with what it tells me.