Tomorrow will be a week after my last chemo, and I’m still feeling pretty rotten. The side effects jumped on me sooner than the past rounds, and they’re knocking me lower. I’ve had to let go of expectations yet again. A part of me wants the recovery to be a continuous uphill line on a graph. But it’s not. I’ll feel a little better in the mornings only to be really tired in the afternoon, and I’ve not been feeling better each day. Having my sister here is a real blessing, though. She’s been great about asking what I need and offering help – and cooking to try to give me what textures I will enjoy. I still can’t taste much, and now the mouth sores and bumps are increasing so that it’s painful to eat or brush my teeth.
But this too shall pass. Although I’ve not been out much to enjoy this unseasonably warm streak of weather we’ve had, I can still enjoy the sun warming my living room. And the big, beautiful yellow full moon of last night. And the pictures Karla posted on Facebook of her walk in the Chickamauga National Military Park, just down the road from my house. She took photos of my favorite field, and this time the stream was full and gurgling. I could almost hear it in the photos. With so much dry weather this past year, it was a treat to see the stream full and reflecting the winter sky. I had a virtual walk since I don’t feel up to a real one.
Living in the present is my challenge now. No plans, no expectations. Just listening to my body and following what it says. Eat when I’m hungry. Rest when I’m tired. And be grateful for support.